A Whisper from the Shadows

It's Been a While

2006-01-29T12:45:00.000-06:00

I'd say that a lot has happened since I posted last--and it probably has--but I don't feel like it. ^^ Cheeky? Deffinately. But it's my blog, so :P.

Erm. I totally don't have anything to say at the moment.

So, yes. I'm back. Later.

Just a little link.

2005-11-07T21:34:00.000-06:00

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=failure&btnG=Google+Search

Enjoy. Oh, and I'll be getting another blog, crochet themed. I don't know exactly when it will be up, but it will be at makingmagic.mycrochetblog.com. Check me out sometime!

^_^

2005-11-05T13:29:00.000-06:00

I have Knife of Dreams. 'Nuff said.

NaNoWriMo

2005-11-02T19:41:00.000-06:00

I GOT A JOB!

2005-10-17T19:59:00.000-05:00

It's just workstudy, but it pays $5.35 an hour, six hours a week, which comes out to $32.10 a week. Still, it's money. To me, it's a LOT of money.

Also, I want to find patterns that are not marked "for personal use only" and crochet stuff to sell on ebay. It would sell, even just basic hats and scarves, because it's hand made, one of a kind, and good quality. Plus I find fun stuff! I just need to take back the camera dad got me that's not working and get a new one.

There were sirens on campus tonight. Anyone (if anyone on campus reads this) know what that was about?

Writing Again! ^_^

2005-10-07T00:31:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I broke my hiatus. But it wanted out, you know? So I'm back to working on Hunters of the Night. It's going well, methinks. On another note . . .

You are a
Social Liberal
(76% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(25% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Strong Democrat

Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Exactly as I say. I AM A LIBERAL! I just fall on the Democratic rather than the Libertarian. But then, they're liberal.

:(

2005-10-06T22:40:00.000-05:00

I don't get to meet Orson Scott Card after all. Dad got the day of the week wrong (though, to be fair, I didn't pick up on the fact that he did despite having the date) and he was in Columbia TODAY. While I was HERE. On Saturday, he'll be in Greensborough. You know, part of the SETTING of Ender's Game. We'll just have to look for another one.

Dad's still coming, though, and I'm going to go home this weekend. Home will be good; I miss it. Plus, free laundry.

I get to meet OSC!

2005-10-05T16:19:00.000-05:00

This Saturday Orson Scott Card is going to be in Columbia, and Dad and I are going! I'm sooo excited--OSC is on my list of authors whose brains I want to pick. I won't have time to do so, unfortunately--just getting my copy of Ender's Game signed, and maybe getting to talk to him a little--but still! I get to meet Orson Scott Card! *hyperhyperexcitedhyper*

Also, Missa's designing me a crochet blog, so all my crocheting stuff (and other crafty stuff, I suppose) can go on there. Making Magic, it's called. Very wonderful. I've seen some of what she's done for it, and it's wonderful. Don't worry, though; I have no intention of abandoning "A Whisper from the Shadows." I'm attatched to this one. I'm seriously considering redoing the layout, and some of the random crap in my sidebar needs to go, but I love this blog. It's like a good friend, you know?

Oh my gods, I just remembered. Missa is going to start selling patterns on her blog! She has the free ones still (all the ones from before, simple stuff, CrochetMe patterns), but some of the new ones (the llama, the newsboy hat) are going to be for sale. Go Melissa! She really is that good. Check her out. Too Many Hooks is really great, and she is absolutely amazing.

So anyway. I'M MEETING ORSON SCOTT CARD!!!!!!!!!!

Almost?

2005-10-04T23:02:00.000-05:00

I think I'm just about past the push to get things together again. I need to finish my homework, catch up from the worst of it, and then I'll be able to live more normally again. I'm looking forward to posting the second essay from WaCT on here, though I think that what I'm doing now will need serious revision. It sounds good, but I need to work in evidence from the article I read! *sighs* Anyway, back to work. Next up, finishing my back essay.

Long Days

2005-10-03T15:06:00.000-05:00

I have so much work to do today it really isn't funny. I still have tomorrow's reading to do for Religions, I have to finish my reading for Roman Lit, I really need to finish my late essay for the Class from Hell . . . *rubs her temples* Yes, hopefully after I catch up from being painfully depressed I can start posting more often again. And less whiny; even I'm getting tired of the whinyness factor in my posts. I mean, seriously, how bad can it be, objectively speaking? At least it's writing. I love writing, and I don't even mind having to do research. It's the analysis part I hate.

So, anyway, yes. Two papers to write for the Class from Hell (the old one and the new one), one to write for the Heavenly Class at a Hellish Hour of the Morning, and reading to do for the other two classes. Erm. Yes. I think I'm waxing causticly sarcastic again . . .

*sighs* Back to the homework. Break is over now.

Mwahahaha!

2005-09-29T22:47:00.000-05:00

I made buttons. And a banner. And another banner, but it's for promotional purposes. One of those long ones you have to be really special to get to use. *shrugs* I have mentioned my arrogance.

I wanna write!

2005-09-29T19:34:00.000-05:00

This is insanely whiny, seeing as no one is holding me to my hiatus from writing origional fiction except myself. Still, I want to write. Not fanfiction (even though I have three chapters of Seven Pointed Star to finish before November), not essays, not even poetry. Nice, long, chaptered fiction. *grumbles* I have a whole month to go!

"A Light in the Dark"

2005-09-29T16:43:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it seems that I have been depressed my entire life. When I think about it for a while, I can remember what I was like as a child—happy, carefree, and angelically sweet. At least, that’s how I seemed to me; I had an inability to lie that did nothing to endear me to my older siblings, especially when my sisters and I were once again grounded from our Barbies (it seemed like we spent our entire childhoods in that state) and our mother asked us each in turn what we had been doing when we were ignoring the restriction as we always did. That was over all too soon; I remember my first bout of depression all too well.

I was nine.

Between the onset of depression at such an early age and my inability to comprehend social norms, I withdrew into myself. I was always shy; I became introverted and introspective as well. By the time I was twelve, I was a serious author. I don’t know why exactly I feel this is important, but I do; perhaps I feel that on some level I have my first three years of depression (mild as it was then) to thank for who I have become. Perhaps it is my basically optimistic nature showing through refusing to believe that the last half of my lifetime could have been better and more productive if I had gotten medical help earlier or even realized that I needed help before I was seventeen.

Eight years after the initial onset of my condition, I finally put into words the fact that I needed help. It took my older sister getting help for the same condition for me to realize that I really could get help. I had heard about antidepressants and I knew that I was depressed—but I didn’t really know that I had a genuine medical condition that could be treated until that point.Being to an astounding extent a proper young lady who doesn’t speak until spoken to and speaks softly when she must, I still didn’t ask for help.

If I thought that anyone who has seen me discuss anything that interests me enough to pull me out of my shell would believe that, I’d leave it there—but when it comes down to it, I’m just arrogant. I do not ask for help not only because I am painfully shy (until someone gets me going, at which point I don’t shut up) but also because I am too proud to admit that I need help. I do not speak to others because I would rather be seen as aloof than be thought a fool. I do not admit there is anything wrong because that would tell people that I am not perfect. I do not like to be told I am wrong because that shows that I am, in fact, fallible.

I have been suffering from depression half my life. Yesterday I went into the Student Health Center and was finally officially diagnosed with depression and anxiety. With a sister and at least one aunt on antidepressants and several of the other women on my mother’s side of the family most likely suffering from the same condition, the likelihood is that it is simply a chemical imbalance. It seems like a silly thing to cause such a serious condition, but the fact that the problem is physiological rather than mental makes it easier to treat.

Today is Wednesday, the twenty-eighth day of September, in the year two-thousand and five. It is my second day on Zoloft. Already I am starting to feel better, simply because I know that I will soon be able to return to something more like the half-remembered child I was—sweet, optimistic, and more outgoing and energetic than I have been for the last half of my life.

Depression, Religion, and NaNoWriMo

2005-09-29T13:35:00.000-05:00

It seems to me that I've been focusing a great deal on religion and depression recently. The depression should be getting better--gods, I was actually smiling today for no obvious reason--but the religion issue? It keeps getting more complex.

1. I am Wiccan. I don't use spells, but simply focus my energies and those that I gather from the world around me. Still, I believe in the goddess as well as her consort and all other gods. When it comes down to it, I am the most polytheistic person I've ever met.

2. Two and a half weeks ago, I felt what Christians refer to as the love of God. While this is supposed to be a great experience, it only serves to trouble me. Christianity (in the religious sense, not the moral sense) goes against everything I beleive.

3. We're studying Buddhism in Exploring Religions. Everything we're talking about makes perfect sense, and is more like what I believe than even Wicca, down to the distinctly eastern worldview and the concept of anatman.

I could be a Buddhist witch; I could be a Buddhist Christian. I cannot be a Christian witch. That is the first choice to make: cyclical time or linear, one god or many, magic or piety. I no longer know what I want and I am no longer completely sure what is true. Really I just want to know--but how can I?

I think that I'm going to have a very religiously themed story for NaNoWriMo this year. I knew that writing like that--trying to force out 50,000 words in a month--was going to end with a highly biographical novel. It seems that the gods are determined to play their part in it.

And afterwards my self-imposed hiatus will be complete and I can revise Hunters of the Night.

"Behind the Mask"

2005-09-28T14:51:00.000-05:00

Severus Snape, contrary to apparent evidence, is not a supporter of Lord Voldemort. Yes, he killed Albus Dumbledore. However, if one examines the evidence, it becomes apparent that Snape’s actions in the twenty-eighth chapter of the sixth installment of the Harry Potter series were not to further Voldemort’s cause. Rather, they were quite obviously performed on the orders of Dumbledore himself.

As early as the second chapter, apparent proof of Snape’s loyalty to Voldemort arises. When Bellatrix Lestrange accompanies her sister to Spinner’s End, she is very vocal in her belief that Snape is a traitor. Snape has an answer for each accusation of treachery that Bellatrix launches at the Potions Master. However, most of these answers are shaky at best, despite the fact that Voldemort believes them. When Snape takes the Unbreakable Vow, the wording is tenuous—he swears to complete Draco’s task if Draco cannot, but as David Haber points out, Draco had more than one task given to him by the Dark Lord. For example, one of his tasks was to fix the Vanishing Cabinet, which Draco successfully completed. Whatever it sounds like Snape promised, the Vow is vague enough that it could mean anything. (Rowling, 22-37; Haber, Unanswered Questions)

It might also be looked on with suspicion that Dumbledore gave his spy the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher when he knew that the job was jinxed. It seems as though he was expecting Snape to be leaving the school then, for he had to know that there was no way that Snape could hold the position for more than a year. Even the students at Hogwarts could see the pattern.

“Well, there’s one good thing,” he [Harry] said savagely. “Snape’ll be gone by the end of the year.”
“What do you mean?” asked Ron.
“That job’s jinxed. No one’s lasted more than a year . . . . Quirrell actually died doing it . . . . Personally, I’m going to keep my fingers crossed for another death . . . .” (Rowling, 167)

Dumbledore himself admits to the knowledge that Voldemort has jinxed the position in chapter twenty of the Half-Blood Prince.

“Oh, he deffinately wanted the Defense Against the Dark Arts job,” said Dumbledore. “The aftermath of our little meeting proved that. You see, we have never been able to keep a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher for longer than a year since I refused the post to Lord Voldemort.” (Rowling, 446)

The jinx had been in place for twenty-five years at this point. There is no way that Dumbledore would have placed Snape in the position if he expected the professor to be staying at Hogwarts the following year. (Ark, Worley, and Kearns, 20)

It should also be noted that Dumbledore spent a great deal of time preparing Harry to face Voldemort. While it could be argued that Dumbledore would have done this anyway, it seems to me that some of the lengths Dumbledore seems to have taken seem extreme if he was expecting to still be available the following year. For example, he deals with the preparations for Harry’s next summer before school begins when he usually deals with that at the end of the school year. Dumbledore also takes great care in preparing Harry to face Voldemort alone and the long hours making sure that Harry knew what to look for with the Horcruxes, possibly even hiring Horace Slughorn just so that the required memory would be on hand. If he was expecting to be dead, however, then the steps taken to make sure that Harry knows what he needs to so that he can defeat Voldemort are reasonable.

It must also be pointed out that Dumbledore never expressed any doubt in Snape’s loyalty. He firmly brushed off the possibility that there was any importance in the conversation that Snape and Draco had during Slughorn’s Christmas party. He is also the one who kept Snape from Azkaban by speaking for him before the Wizengamot. (Bunker)

In the twenty-seventh chapter, Dumbledore says a very simple line that gives no hint to its meaning. “‘Severus . . .’” . . . “‘Severus . . . please . . .’” (Rowling, 595) The line taken on its own could be Dumbledore pleading for Snape not to kill him, but it seems highly unlikely. Haber points out that the comments that Dumbledore makes in the first book about it being the “next great adventure” seem to indicate that Dumbledore would not plead for his life. (Snape Clues) Bunker points out that Dumbledore gave Snape a grim task after Voldemort rose again—could this have been it? Is it possible that Dumbledore was not asking Severus to spare him at all, but instead to murder him? (Mysteries & Misconceptions)

The greatest evidence against Snape being loyal to Dumbledore stands in a few small points—but J. K. Rowling loves to leave little hints. Bunker points out that Snape was visible in Barty Crouch Jr.’s Foe-Glass along side Dumbledore and McGonagall; if Snape was loyal to Voldemort, he should not have shown up in the mirror. He also notes that Harry has been suspicious of Snape since the first book, and yet he has always been wrong before this. Isn’t it possible that he’s wrong on this count, too, especially since Snape tends to say things that go completely contrary to his actions? She also notes that Snape is a very powerful Occulmens, and so it is possible that he could hide his true alignment from Voldemort despite the Dark Lord’s skill at Legilimency. (Mysteries & Misconceptions)

Hagrid’s innocuous evidence is the last point that should be raised in Snape’s defense. The half-giant had overheard “a heated discussion” between Snape and Dumbledore, and Harry manages to get him to talk about what he overheard. Hagrid’s answer suggests that Snape is loyal to Dumbledore, and even that he wanted to stop playing the part of a Death Eater and spy.

“Well—I jus’ heard Snape sayin’ Dumbledore took too much for granted an’ maybe
he—Snape—didn’ wan’ ter do it anymore—”
“Do what?”
“I dunno, Harry, it sounded like Snape was feelin’ a bit overworked, tha’s all—anyway, Dumbledore told him flat out he’d agreed ter do it an’ that was all there was to it. Pretty firm with him. An’ then he said summat about Snape makin’ investigations into his House, in Slytherin. Well, there’s nothin’ strange about that!” Hagrid added hastily, as Harry and Hermione exchanged looks full of meaning. “All the Heads o’ Houses were asked ter look into that necklace business—”
“Yeah, but Dumbeldore’s not having rows with the rest of them, is he?” said Harry.
“Look,” Hagrid twisted his crossbow uncomfortably in his hands; there was a loud splintering sound as it snapped in two. “I know what yeh’re like abou’ Snape, Harry, an’ I don’ want yeh ter go readin’ more inter this than there is.” (Rowling, 405-406)

If Snape was loyal to Voldemort, he wouldn’t be chaffing under the necessity of his obligations, and the argument between the two would not have taken place. This seems to be definitive evidence that Snape is not loyal to the Dark Lord.

It is obvious that Dumbledore was expecting to be gone after Harry’s sixth year. He spent too much time preparing Harry to fight Voldemort without him for his death not to be foreseen. His actions also show that Snape would be leaving Hogwarts at the same time. What is more, Snape’s actions are not consistant with the assumption that he is a Death Eater. Finally, Dumbledore trusted Snape, and Dumbledore’s trust was always, prior to his death, good enough to make most put aside their doubts of a person. I declare that Severus Snape was, when he used the Killing Curse on Albus Dumbledore, following the direct orders of the man he murdered.

Works Citied

Ark, Steve Vander, Michele V. Worley, and John Kearns. “A Reader’s Guide to Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.” The Harry Potter Lexicon. November 7, 2005. Updated August 12, 2005. Accessed September 11. 2005.

Bunker, Lisa Waite. “Severus Snape.” The Harry Potter Lexicon. October 22, 2000. Updated September 6, 2005. Accessed September 11, 2005.

Haber, David. Dumbledore is not Dead. Unanswered Questions. 2005. Accessed September 11, 2005.

Rowling, J. K. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. New York: Scholastic Inc., 2005.

Little Blue Pill

2005-09-27T22:11:00.000-05:00

Well, my appointment at the Health Center went well. They talked to me about symptoms, gave me these little quiz things to fill out, scored them, and diagnosed me with depression and anxiety. Yep, I am officialy an emotional nutcase. The prescription? Zoloft. I was also refered to the University Counciling Services, and I'll go, but the first appointment (I got in today) was . . . stressful. Hopefully they won't permanantly--or semi-permanantly, or whatever--attatch me to the guy I saw today. He made me kind of nervous.

So yeah. I'm on antidepressants now.

Just Until Tuesday

2005-09-25T19:50:00.000-05:00

What is this? How do I know what's real? I can't remember what I was dreaming, but I know that I was. When I remember what I dreamt, I don't remember that it was just a dream.

I'm not sure I have any control over what I'm thinking any more. I have an appointment at the health center on Tuesday--maybe I'm just tierd. Maybe . . . even though I've been sleeping too much.

Surely something as simple as depression couldn't effect me like this. I have to be ill as well. I have to be ill as well as being depressed. Because I am supressed. I'm even waxing suicidal again. I'm not worried, though; I've only ever actually tried to kill myself twice, and both times by smothering. I want air more than I want death and quiet. Air . . . to shove my face into the pillow again, until my body takes control from the twisted, lost passages of my mind and drags my face, gasping, out into the air . . .

*shudders* I don't want to die. Not really.

It's rather depressing . . .

2005-09-22T03:13:00.000-05:00

Apparently (I haven't been outside since 8:30 this morning) there are t-shirts hung up outside that were made to tell the stories of those who have been raped. Apparently there are a lot of them. While trying (and failing) to get to sleep tonight, I realized something horrible.

I know, other than myself, seven women who have been sexually assaulted and/or abused.

That's only the ones that I know have been, the ones that that have told me. And then there's me; that's eight. There is something wrong in a country where that happens. There's something wrong in a world where that happens.

Other than that, I'm getting depressed again and I think I'm ill. Hopefully the depression will go away, hopefully it's only because I'm ill. I really don't want to try and kill myself again. I might do something more likely to succeed than attempting to smother myself. I might actually succeed. I mean, hitting a fatal doseage or combination of medications can't be that hard. I really should tell Mab and the SAs that I'm sometimes suicidal, maybe my roommates, too. Put myself on a sort of suicide watch, just in case.

I'm going to the health center on Friday morning to see about getting myself patched up. I need to set an appointment with UCS, too. There are some other things I need to do--get down to the registar's office, reschedule my appointment with my academic councelor, talk to Professor Prussener--but those two are the most important. If I can get myself well and happy again, than the others will be easier.

I'm going to try to get to sleep again. I need it. I'm exhausted. But I can't quite catch it.

This isn't it.

2005-09-20T04:46:00.000-05:00

I don't want to be at college.

I knew this, off and on, all through high school. I'm a thinker, not an achademic. This isn't for me, was never for me. I don't want to go to class, don't want them to teach me, don't want to learn what's been proscribed. I want them to teach me how to think, dammit, and how to put those thoughts into writing.

It becomes more evident every day that that isn't what college is. Sure, it's better than high school--but not by much.

I don't think, somehow, that I'll be coming back this spring. But I don't want to move back home, either. Really, what I need to do is move out somewhere with a relative, get a job, and then when I can afford it I'll get my own flat or an appartment with a friend.

Maybe I'll get married before that happens.

Any way, I don't want to be here, don't want to be doing this, don't want to be subjecting myself to more school. I won't be, soon enough. I really just don't want it.

The Mariner's Revenge Song

2005-09-12T20:11:00.000-05:00

That be the refrain to the song. It's very addictive. Wanna read the lyrics?

Questions about God

2005-09-11T19:19:00.000-05:00

I went to service of my own free will for the first time this morning. It was . . . well . . . very different from what I grew up with. Now . . . I don't know. I feel about like I got hit with a very, very, very large lightning bolt. You know, other than the whole getting fried thing. Well, physically at least. Mentally and emotionaly and spiritually . . . well, anyone else care to get dragged through a meat grinder?

About five a.m. Ryan and I hit religion, and for the first time some of Christianity was making sense to me. Then, this morning, I went to the CCF service, since I'd accepted Amara's invitation last week. And they started the "worship"--the hymn, for lack of a better word, though it's nothing like the hymns I grew up with--and I very quickly started bawling. Poor Ryan, when he noticed after the song, didn't have a clue what to do about it.

So, after the service (and not even kind of understanding my feelings, much less WTF was going on) I went to Mab's room and promptly started bawling all over her. Yes, this is a great deal of crying, but you try having someone hurl lightning bolts in an attempt to shatter your world view. She was very helpful--she's one of the best friends a person could ever have--and rather delighted that I was apparently (am I?) finding Christ. She actually told me that she hadn't started working on me--gently, not in the shove-it-down-your-throat manner than Mormonism favors--because I seem to be happy with Wicca.

Well, I was. Thank you so much for interrupting that.

I talked to Mab for a while, and then Mikkel wandered in. His dad's a Lutheren preacher; he helped explain things that are totally foriegn to an ex-Mormon, such as the Trinity, the more common perception of Heaven and Hell, and beliefs concerning where we come from. I think I understand it well enough that I can accept it. Mab lent me her NIV Bible so I wouldn't have to wade though my King James Version, and she says she's going to take me Bible shopping sometime. I'm still not sure I believe this . . . but I'm also not completely sure that I can not.

I mean, how it felt . . . I think that's the closest to true worship I've ever come. I felt so . . . accepted. So much like whatever I have done, it doesn't matter. So much like I am loved, and loved beyond anything comprehensable. It's so strong, and yet so foriegn. It brings tears to my eyes through sheer power. How can I not accept it.

At the same time, how can I?

Where did I put the caffine?

2005-09-11T07:40:00.000-05:00

I didn't go to bed last night. Mab and Ryan and I were talking, got into masicism, and he discovered it would never work between them. Then Ryan and I proceed to stay up talking all night . . . what was it that mom said about guys you could stay up talking to all night? All I can remember was that there was some reference to marriage . . .

Home Libraries

2005-09-09T12:11:00.000-05:00

So, I'm reading Xalpharis's Live Journal friends page and came across a post asking for a suggestion for how to classify books in a home library. Xal had replied:

"The method I use for classifying my rather extensive book collection is rather like the genres of a retail store's cd section. I put science-fiction involving the future together, and science-fiction involving the past together, and so on and so on. Depending on OCD-tendencies, such classification also has sub-classifications, such as alphabetized authors and titles, with reference markers for authors that fall into several classifications. It may help you to do this as well. "

My first reaction was something along the lines of 'umm . . . okay.' But I think I sort of like the idea, especially for when I get more books. I don't have that many now, and less that I'm deffinately going to be keeping. My current system won'd necissarily work forever:

My classification system, such as it is, is much less . . . involved . . . than Xalpharis's. Alphabitically by author's last name, ordered within the author by publication date, with chronological order withing a given series trumping the order of publication. The exception to this rule is Mercedes Lackey's Velgarth serieses, which ignores the series rule for anything larger than the trilogies and series within the larger Velgarth structure.

Yeah, that's how I do my books.

On another note, I'm going to get interviewed for the yearbook "probably next week." It seems they're writing an article about people who like Harry Potter and got me off Facebook, where I am a member of a group called "Harry Potter Rocks My World." They read a post there where I had said that I thought that J. K. Rowling was loosing her touch, and called--pulling me away from my lovely nap--to ask to interview me. Little do they know that I also wrote a book review over the book and am working on an essay in which I'm arguing for Snape being one of the "good guys." It could be interesting.

Mardi Gras Beads

2005-09-08T13:42:00.000-05:00

So, we have it set up here so that you can take meals off your dining plan and give the money from them to the Katrina aid effort. There, I've mentioned the Katrina disaster. I might as well go off on it.

Anyway, to start with, I gave three meals. For each meal given, yo get a string of Mardi Gras beads. So I've been wandering around for the last 24 hours looking like I flashed three people. And I got into discussions about Katrina twice yesterday and brushed it a third time. For the girl that's been avoiding the topic of the recent hurricane (except the time my mother ranted about it over the phone to me until I pleaded homework) that's kinda a long way off.

It's not that I don't care about the people who have died as a result of Katrina. It's just that . . . well . . . they're dead. As for the ones that are still alive, well, I've given some, but there's not much a poor starving college student can do. I am planning on giving blood next week.

Other than that, things fall firmly into the "out of my hands" catagory. The Bushes may be acting in a way more fitting children than the leader of our nation and his family, but I can't do anything about him being in office. I was too young to vote when he was re-elected. If I had been, I would have voted for Kerry. At least that way we would have a different idiot in the White House!

So, yeah. I don't do politics much. I don't beat on how horrible natural disasters are. I tend to let the world be the world. You'll probably only ever see anything like this from me again around election time or if Bush manages to do something as idiotic as start a war. Again.

Dude, I am so getting a webcam.

2005-09-07T17:18:00.000-05:00

http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.gsp?product_id=2619239

Yeah. It'll be, like, $15.00 including tax. Seriously getting the thing. I am so happy that Dad got me a USB card. So, once I get to Wal-Mart again, you can start having pictured of wonderful me. Or you can run from those posts in terror. ^_^

Well, we found the post office . . .

2005-09-07T16:47:00.000-05:00

The letter is posted, the envalope is bought, and I am so not getting my ears pierced at the place I found. I'll wait until I can get to Columbia and do it at Claire's or something . . .

Yeah, I'm a little tierd. I just walked all over Kirksville. And sent my TT24 and Home Banking application on its way to Maryland.

>.<

2005-09-07T13:25:00.000-05:00

Yeah, pretty damn sure I bombed that. I'll get some points, of course (I hope), but I think I'm looking at a C at the highest on that thing. What's more, I totally hate the primus of the class. What is sounds like would be amazing--Analyzing Literary Theory. To analyze theories about literature and what makes it stay . . . but not actually. Really, we're analyzing literature. Do you know how much I hate that? That is one of my pet peeves; yes, let's take a perfectly good story and see what bull we can pull out of our asses and supposedly support with the work. Yes, you can tell a lot about an author from reading what they write. No, the reverse is not also true. What's more, all those themes and crap you found? Yeah, you made those up. The author didn't put them there. What's more, my orange juice is gone.

Now, supporting theories about events in the story is something else entirely. Maybe I can do something like that . . . but somehow I doubt it. Analyzing Literary Theory seems so much more . . . rigid . . . than WaCT.

Why oh why does my bank have to be in MARYLAND?

2005-09-07T11:52:00.000-05:00

Everything would go so much faster if my bank was closer to me. I love my bank and will not leave them--they're insanely good, seeing as you have to have worked at NSA to get an account there; I have one because of my dad--but still! Their hours might as well be 8:00 to 4:00, and I can't just bring things by. No, I have to mail it in and wait for it to get to the east coast and stuff they're returning to come all the way back to Missouri!

So, bank location frustration aside, I'm having a pretty good day. I nursed my tankard of tea for three and a half hours, and now I have orange juice. Same container, but I bet you anything that it will not last as long as the tea did. I'll be taking it to class with me when I go in about half an hour (okay, leaving is less seeing as I have to be there in half an hour). Along with my about D paper. Okay, I'm probably being pessimistic about that, but anyway. Yeah.

I'm nervous about giving blood next week, and I'm nervous about getting my ears pierced. I have to do that after I give blood or I can't give. It's my first time for both, and I really don't do needles. I'm not even sure about needles with the little pop-gun thing. Just . . . yeah. I've wanted to get my ears pierced for as long as I can remeber, and now that I'm all eighteen and out of the house, I finally can. So . . . er . . . this is akward. Did I even spell that right?

Right, after class Mab and I are going to find a post office (I should get my thing to send off to the bank filled out before we do that) and check out a place I found where I might get my ears pierced. Wish me luck!

Nursing a mug of Irish Breakfast Tea

2005-09-07T08:59:00.000-05:00

I totally went to WaCT in my pajamas. Not anything hugely pajama-y, just an oversized long-sleeved school T-shirt and a pair of loose paint-splattered once black pants. Oh, yes--and my pink slippers. And a mug of Irish Breakfast Tea that the angelic Mab fixed for me. It's better than coffee is in those dreams where you look like a goddess, you know? Coffee's version of those dreams, I mean, not the coffee in those dreams. Not that I've ever dreamed about coffee . . .

Okay, off the tea. I went off about the tea during my freewrite in WaCT. I refuse to go off about the flaky pastry, either. 9:20 in the morning is a time of simple pleasures if one is awake. You know, tea and pastries and wondering why in hell you bothered with the sausage and eggs and hashbrowns. The pastry is so much better, you know?

Tip of the Day
How to fix MSPaint: kick it.

Okay, better now. I still need to kidnap myself some IT help, now that I think of it. And Mab and I are going exploring for a post office this afternoon. And we need to find somewhere for me to get my ears pierced.

Yep, that's right. I'm eighteen and I don't have my ears pierced. My dad didn't want us to (okay, doesn't) but I've been wanting to have it done. So sometime after I give blood for the first time (there's a drive coming up next week) I'm going to get my ears pierced. Lots of needles, which is bad, but Mab is moral support!

I've joined the Weblogs by Women database and the New Jane ad exchange. Shameless blog promotion, that, but it seemed like fun.

What do you mean homework involves work?

2005-09-06T19:04:00.000-05:00

I can count on one hand the number of times I'd actually had to TRY on an assignment before coming to college. Now? "Find one current article on Doyle; briefly summerize and analyze it, citing its critical approach(es). Would it be useful for a paper?" My first response? 'What the FUCK?' I hope she wants something like the article reviews that Mr. Staples had us do for Physics and Biology II; otherwise I'm likely to flunk this assignment, and they're worth 25/450 points for the class. I already missed one of the four by sleeping through both when I was going to work on it and the class period it was due. I cannot afford to do this one wrong.

Since I'll need a printer and the computer is being insanely stupid, I'm going to have to work on it in the library. Hmm. Maybe I'll see about checking out a laptop. That would be much better than having to work at a desktop.

People!

2005-09-05T18:30:00.000-05:00

Well, they're not back yet. But they're coming . . . they're coming. *cackles manically*

Yes, three days of few people has unhinged me, why do you ask?

Anyway, most everybody should be back tonight sometime. Mab and Anise and Ondri all will be! Well, Mab at least. I have no idea when my room mates are supposed to return. Tonight in all likelyhood, though, since they have class tomorrow.

I still need to do my homework . . . I feel compeled to, since I like the classes. That's totally warped. Oh, well. I never claimed to be sane.

To Bacchides or not to Bacchides . . .

2005-09-05T14:39:00.000-05:00

Really, I don't want to stuff homework into my long weekend yet. It's under 100 pages--not gonna take a significant amount of time. Besides which, I have 24 hours before the class I have to read it for. Which, of course, means I'm procrastinating again.

I joined a Star Wars RP. Star Wars Combine. Seriously, though, what's up with me and RPs? I've pretty well dropped all my old ones . . .

Ah, well.

Decided against it. ^_^

2005-09-05T10:46:00.000-05:00

I don't think I liked that after all. As impressed as I am by some of the beautiful blogs out there, I like mine nice and simple. Plus I'm a little attached to my sidebar.

New Look?

2005-09-05T02:34:00.000-05:00

I'm trying on skins for size; this is but the first of them, let me assure you. I have some others in mind to try if I don't like this one--or I might just go back to the origional look.

From Pooka's Crayon: Waiter, there's Pr0n in my book!

2005-09-05T02:14:00.000-05:00

I'm not really sure whether or not this blog is going to wind up in my list, but I must admit to enjoying this post. Seriously, I get my mildly smutty material in the middle of stories as often as not, but you know--plot. I'm very character-driven, and characters sometimes get driven in that direction. But still, I can see her point--and am amused by her presentation of it.

From Pooka's Crayon: Waiter, there's Pr0n in my book!

Where did I put my nail clippers?

2005-09-04T20:34:00.000-05:00

I seriously have no idea where they went, and I wand to neated up my nails so that I can paint them. I got hot pink and black nail polish.

I just had the best time! I went out to dinner with some friends, one of which is the openly gay Adrian. Why I picked that name for him I don't know; he doesn't really look like an Adrian. Something about the name stuck to him, and so Adrian he is. Anyway, I haven't had that much fun at dinner and Wal-Mart since . . . well, probably sometime Lethe and I were getting on really well. He's just so comfortable to be around, and its without that whole 'do I like him?' shit you have to deal with around most guys.

It's surprising how few people have any clue what Wicca is. Hey, world, I'm a witch! Evil? Nah. Just believe in magick and a goddess and such.

Hmm. You can only have three free counters per account on Bravenet. That means it's time to quit on puting counters on things or to get another Bravenet account.

I wonder if I can remember my password to the old one . . .

Moon Phases!

2005-09-04T17:36:00.000-05:00

I got a little moon-phase indicator! Must be the werewolf in me. Okay, so I was only a werewolf once. I should just admit that, from the outside, some Wiccans can look like they're practically moon-worshipers. We worship by it's cycle, not the moon itself.

Speaking of previous lives (okay, that was half a paragraph ago) I wouldn't be surprised if I'd been a were-ocelot at one point, as much as I'm attracted to the things. Can you blame me? They're just so cute! Even the adults are just adorible! And those stripes and spots . . . it's no wonder they're endangered because of their coats.

I've figured out what my problem is with blogs. I adopt people. You know, like the little girl who drags home rabid puppies and wants to keep them. Not that any of the blogs I read are anything like rabid puppies . . . though a couple do have those attached.

I'm a stalker-free zone! Well, unless you count Xalpharis, and that would just be wierd, seeing as I like him just as well as he likes me. Okay, love. Whatever. Still. I have no idea where this tangent even came from.

Oh. Right. Rabid puppies.

Whispers of Paradise

2005-09-04T16:58:00.000-05:00

I've done it. I've started the blog (it still needs a little in the way of setup) and I'm going to partner it with a discussion forum. Maybe I'll even go to my old one and just redo it a bit.

Feel free to check out (or join) Whispers of Paradise.

If I go with you to church on Sunday . . .

2005-09-04T16:26:00.000-05:00

I have successfully avoided going to church for the last two weeks. Next week I'm going at 10:30 with a friend--Amara, Mab's roommate. So that's another week away from church. I wonder how long it will take to get them to forget about me/give up on me? I really don't want to go, don't want to have anything to do with it. I haven't been answering my phone today because I don't want to talk to people from church. It's really kinda getting on my nerves. I could just either tell them I don't want to go or shut up and go, but . . . well, I guess I'm really to shy to stand up for myself like that.

I did an audiopost yesterday afternoon/evening, and I have no idea what happened to it. Maybe the process isn't automatic, or maybe it wound up randomly on someone else's blog, or maybe there was a glitch in the system . . . but yeah. It would be hillarious if it showed up on Tuesday.

"Outrun the Editor"

2005-09-04T14:35:00.000-05:00

In my Writing as Critical Thinking class (also known as WaCT), we've been discussing so far not so much how to write, but how to get ideas. The advice my teacher has given over and over is a simple quote: "Outrun the editor."

Everyone has an editor lodged in their brain. It's that little voice that tells you that what you're thinking of writing about is a stupid idea. It's the niggling uncertainty that turns something great into crap. It's the part of us that makes us over work a piece until there is nothing left to make it anything other than over-stretched, over-worked, and over-edited shit.

Who knows? One of those "crap" ideas could turn out to be the start of something wonderful? What would have happened if J. K. Rowling thought the idea of an orphan boy who somehow miraculously defeated a Dark Lord was cliché at best? What would have happened if Orson Scott Card had thought a child-savior was a stupid idea?

Cliché works. Stupid works. Regurgitated myths and classics work. All that the best literature has that other books don't is skillful handling of those stupid clichés. That's what gives them their staying power. That's what puts them on the best seller list. That's what makes us remember them.

When it comes down to it, all we have to do to get an idea and get started is shoot down the voice that’s telling us how horrible we are and how everything we write is appalling. Get the ideas out before you can decide they’re idiotic; leave them even if they are. I have three suggestions for this.

1. Freewriting. Do this by getting a pen and paper and just writing whatever comes to mind. Don’t stop, don’t read it, don’t look back. Just get the crap out. When you’ve done that, it’s a lot easier to get to the good ideas--and one might come up in your freewriting. If you can’t do it on paper, use a tape recorder and just talk at it.

2. Participate in something with a strict deadline. This way you can’t think too hard about what you’re writing; you just have to go with it. One such activity is National Novel Writing Month.

3. You remember those stupid prewriting exercises from high school? Do them. When you’re out of the restrictive environment of high school, they’re actually helpful. Brainstorm, use spider-maps, make lists and charts--just don’t erase anything.

It’s not easy to get to a point where you can just ignore your live-in editor. I’ve been trying for years, and I still get caught. But all we can do is work at it.

An Idea

2005-09-03T17:45:00.000-05:00

I'm thinking about maybe starting a community blog. The idea would be to get writers together, sharing ideas and supporting each other and any other writers who read but did not participate.

Would anyone be interested in something like that?

Move, move, move!

2005-09-03T16:39:00.000-05:00

I'm restless. In mind more than in body, but that's how things go for me. I can't concentrate on Shadow of the Giant, and I've wanted to read that since it came out. I haven't eaten yet today, so I'll be going to dinner soon, and I should probably avoid both caffine and orange juice. Something calming. Heh. What I really need to do is write, and I'm not talking fanfiction. Poetry might help some, but what I really need to do is work on some nice, absorbing prose.

Except my muse has abandoned me on that front.

Reading isn't working, blogging doesn't do much to calm my restless mind, and TV either doesn't help or makes me lethargic. Neither is what I want. Eh, maybe after dinner I'll be better.

Frustration

2005-09-03T13:06:00.000-05:00

Dammit, I'm about ready to kill Goliath, Cisco, and the stupid Government Holiday!

I think I've finally found what I need to download to appease Cisco, and it's too big to get in half an hour. Goliath is getting on my nerves. I missed lunch by five minutes because they shortened the serving time for Labor Day. Seriously, I'm about ready to throw something.

I want it to be November. Sure, that means skipping October entierly, but November is the end of my self-imposed restriction. No origional fiction until National Novel Writing Month starts. Participating will be good for me. The break will be good for me. Maybe afterwards I can get Hunters of the Night rewritten. Again. My fingers are itching, despite the fact that Pinkie seems to be supporting my decision by taking a vacation until November--at least for everything but some fanfiction and school assignments.

Dammit! Damn this whole thing. I want to be done with this! I want my headache to go away without me having to break down and take pain killers. There's three reasons I don't like taking medicine: I don't want to become resistant to its effects, I don't like putting chemicals into my body, and my suicidal bouts tend to lean towards considering overdosing myself on painkillers or smothering myself.

Why does "smother" have "mother" in it? That's just wrong. Not that my mother isn't a bit smothering, but still. Not all mothers are, and not all smotherers are mothers, or even female.

To hell with this. I should just make some ramen, take some pills, and be done with it . . . Maybe even work on fanfiction to try and still my itchy fingers. Not that it will help.

Another Survey!

2005-09-03T11:27:00.000-05:00

Time Started: 11:38 AM
Full Name: Chailyn Cole Runewood. You're not getting my real name.
Nickname: Chai, CCR
Sex: Female
Birthday: 7.6.87
Sign: Cancer
Siblings: Five: an older brother and two older sisters, a younger brother and a younger sister.
Eye Color: Brown
Shoe Size: 11 1/2
Where Do You Live: Kirksville, MO, USA
Righty or Lefty: Suppressed Lefty
Closest Friends: Mab, Xalpharis
Best Place for a Date: Roof
Where is your Favorite Place to Shop: Hot Topic's always fun. Bookstores, too.
Do you have any Tattoos or Piercings: Nope, though I'm thinking about getting my ears pierced.

Favorites
Color(s): black, green
Number: seven
Boy's Name: Damian, Dimitri, Perrigrin
Girl's Name: Elanor, Lenore, Illyana
Subject in School: English
Animal: Wolf
Drink: Orange Juice
Sport: none
Food: Italian, Oriental
Month: October
Band: Evanescence, Cake, Weezer, Incubus, Green Day . . .
Movie: Pirates of the Carribean, The Phantom of the Opera, Star Wars
Juice: Orange
Finger: Index
Breakfast: Fruit
Aftershave/Perfume: Axe. Almost anything by Axe. It just smells so good.
Cartoon Character: Inu-Yasha. He's just so . . . pokable!

Have you Ever
Given Anyone a Bath: Nope
Smoked: Nope
Bungee Jumped: No, but I want to!
Made yourself throw up: Nope
Gone Skinny Dipping: Nope, but I might . . . someday.
Been in the Opposite Sex's Bathroom: Only when cleaning it, and that doesn't count.
Eaten Dog Biscuits: Nope
Got your Tongue Stuck to a Pole: Not that I remember . . .
Loved Someone so much it made you Cry: Uh . . . no. If you love somebody that much, the hope is they'll love you enough that you won't cry--and then you love them more because it's returned . . .
Broken a Bone: Ribs, possibly a minor arm fracture.
Played Truth or Dare: No, just Truth or Truth.
Been in a Physical Fight: Not for more than a few seconds.
Been in a Police Car: No . . .
Come Close to Dying: Scarily so . . . should have died, escaped with a few broken bones.
Been in a Sauna: Yeah . . . they feel good.
Been in a Hot Tub: See above.
Swam in the Ocean: Mom wouldn't let me go out very deep . . . I was about five.
Had Chichen Pox: When I was little.
Had a Sore Throat: Yeah
Believe in Love at First Sight: Hell yeah.
Like Picnics: Yes.
Like School: Leaving Math out of the equation, yeah.
Been in Love: Yes.
Fallen Asleep in School: Only once. In math.
Ran Away: Never actually got around to it . . .
Broken Someone's Heart: I try not to, but I might have.
Cried when Someone Died: No. Two years after someone died, once, but never when someone died.
Flashed Someone: Nope.
Cried in School: Probably
Fell off your Chair: Too many times to count . . .
Sat by the phone all night waiting for a call: Does it count if they called on time? Just the once . . .
Saved MSN Conversations: Yes
Saved E-Mails: Yes
Fallen for youur Best Friend: Unfortunately . . . bad thing, that.
Been Cheated on: No

First Thing that Comes to Mind
Red: Blood
Blue: Skies
Autumn: Leaves
Cow: Evil!
Greenland: Ice

What is
Your Good Luck Charm: Don't have one. Should make one.
Your Room Like: Dormish. Chaotically organized.
Last thing you Said: "I could go this whole weekend without really seeing anyone."
Beside you: Books!
the Last thing you Ate: Popcicle
the Kind of Shampoo that you Use: V05 Tea Therapy - Simplicity.

Would You
Eat a Live Hamster: NO!
Go to a Hanson Concert: Maybe. It really sota depends on the situation.
If you loved someone and you were keeping something from them and it would hurt them if they found out, would you tell them: That question makes my head hurt . . .

Who was the Last Person
You Touched: Mab
You Massaged: No idea, though I scratched Mab's back for her.
You Kissed: Mom. On the cheek.
You Yelled at: It's actually been a while since I yelled at anyone . . .
Who Broke your Heart: Iro.
Who told you they Loved You: Xalpharis

Do You/Are You
Like filling these out: Apparently so.
Wear contacts or Glasses: Glasses
Like Yourself: Usually
Get along with your Family: Sometimes. Better when I'm two and a half hours away.
Do Drugs: Hell no.
Have Piercings below the Waist: No
Obsessive: Yes
Anorexic: No
Depressed: Probably
Suicidal: Not recently

Final Questions
What are you Listening to Right Now: Haven't turned on my music yet.
What did you do Yesterday: Dropped Elementary Functions!
Ever Hated Someone in your Family: I've never hated anyone.
Got any Awards: The story of my public schooling.
Do you want to get Married: Yes
What would you change about yourself: Loose some weight. Tone up.
Good Actor: Jonny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Harrison Ford, Patrick Stewart, Sean Connary
Good Singer: Amy Lee
Have a Lava Lamp: I want one.
How Many Remote Controls are in your House: only two
What do you dream about: Death, all too often.
Last time you Showered: Yesterday
Last time you took a Bath: Before leaving home
Scary or Happy Movies: Both!
Root Beer or Dr. Peppter: Root Beer
Mud or Jello Wrestling: neither
Silver or Gold: Silver
Diamond or Pearl: Pearl
Sunset or Sunrise: Sunset
Phone or In Person: In person
Oldests, Middle, Youngest, or Only Child: Middle, I guess.
End Time: 12:23 PM

Stupid Chain Letter Type Quiz

2005-09-02T22:43:00.000-05:00

from x I Almost Care x
I took out some of the questions. You know, the really stupid ones.

1. What is your occupation? Student and Author
2. What color is your underwear? Magenta
3. What are you listening to right now? Concerning Hobbits (from the LOTR soundtrack)
4. Do you wish on stars? Of course
5. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Black
6. How is the weather right now? Dark! Well, as dark as it gets with those dumb lights.
7. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? Momm unless you count audioblogging.
8. How old are you? 18
9. What is your favorite drink? Orange Juice!
10. Favorite sport to watch? Gymnastics or Figure Skating.
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Once. When I was fourteen. Blond highlights. Disaster.
12. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Glasses
13. Pets? Uh . . . Neopets . . . Morina, the cyber-cat . . . Insaniquarium fishies . . . I live in a dorm!
14. Favorite month? October
15. Favorite food? Italian, though Oriental is a close second . . . and I love calamari!
16. What was the last movie you watched? Um . . . lessee. When I was in Texas . . . maybe Anaconda?
17. Favorite day of the year? October 2. Aniversery of the day I met Josh and of the day I became Wiccan.
18. What do you do to vent your anger? Primal screaming and throwing things.
19. What was yor favorite toy as a child? Barbies.
20. Fall or Spring? Autumn . . . and Spring!
21. Hugs or kisses? Hugs, generally speaking.
22. Cherry or Blueberry? Fresh cherry, processed blueberry.
23. Living arrangements? Dorm. Two roommates.
24. When did you last cry? Today, probably.
25. What is on the floor of your wardrobe? Shoes
26. What did you do last night? Took a walk looking for night-dark. Didn't find any.
27. What are you afraid of? Spiders
28. Number of keys on your key ring? Two on one, two on the other.
28. Favorite day of the week? Thursday
29. How many states have you lived in? Three
30. Hom many cities have you lived in? Four

How much are YOU worth?

2005-09-02T21:05:00.000-05:00

I'm worth $1,851,284.

How much are you worth?

humanforsale.com

I read blogs like other people watch soaps.

2005-09-02T20:48:00.000-05:00

Seriously, I just can't get enough. Find them. Follow them. Find out what's going on in other people's lives. Seriously, of the dozen blogs I have listed to the side, I know THREE PEOPLE. Melissa, Ahern, and Mab aka Morgan. That's it.

>.<

I'm pathetic.

I never claimed I could sing . . .

2005-09-02T20:35:00.000-05:00

Really I didn't. Okay, maybe sometimes. Some people like my voice, some don't. I think I'm pretty good on some songs. Evanescence is a little high for me.

Imaginary

Song © Evanescence

LOOK! I can TALK and you can LISTEN!

2005-09-02T18:30:00.000-05:00

200 Hits!

2005-09-02T12:45:00.000-05:00

This is so exciting! My blog has been seen--whether or not it has been read at all or with any interest, 200 times.

Why am I doing this? Because I want to be seen. I have a need to have my writing read.

And maybe--just maybe--it is.

Considering a Rewrite

2005-09-02T10:41:00.000-05:00

It's crap. I know it is. I wrote it when I was fourteen, for God sake. But . . . it was a decent (if over used) idea. I think it I rewrite it, it might actually be something I could enjoy finishing the saga for--and it was a saga I had in planing, believe me.

Harry Potter and the Secret of the Twins

Seriously, I'm not sure if this is something I want to bother with or not. I mean, come November I'm participating in NaNoWriMo, and won't have time. Lots of things can get abandonded in a month.

Of course, I was good . . . for a fourteen year old. Re-vamping it might spoil it.

The Beauty of Simplicity

2005-09-02T10:07:00.000-05:00

Not interested in reading this at all, but it's gorgeous! You have to see this--it's got to be one of the most beautiful blogs I've ever seen!

The Beauty of Simplicity

I really kinda wanna beat my head against the wall.

2005-09-02T09:48:00.000-05:00

There's a reason that I'm the way I am. I'm sure of it. I just don't know what it is.

Seriously, though, I'm done with classes for the day (one got canceled, one I'm dropping, and the other . . . well . . 7:30AM) and it's not even ten yet. Anise is still asleep. Ondri is still in her first class of the day. And I'm out of orange juice!

I love orange juice. I drink a little coffee on occasion, and I'm probably going to have tea with lunch, but orange juice! I wish that our stupid T-Mugs that we're allowed to take out of the dining halls held more. I want more orange juice. That much doesn't even last me an hour!

And what is up with my posture today? I'm all slouchy. Slouchy is bad for my back and makes me look downright fat. Still, slouchy. Kinda tierd; that might be why I'm all scrunched up.

I really enjoy reading other writers' blogs (short for Weblob/Web Log--don't call it a Web Blog, please!) and have found a brand new one! It's in my "other blogs" list in the sidebar--Roaring Whispers. It seems as though it will be a good one to read and comment on. Quite enjoyable.

Why is everyone in this fucking nation Christian?

O.o

2005-09-02T09:02:00.000-05:00

I googled "A Whisper from the Shadows." The phrase came up a lot--generally poorly used within someone's writing--but one of the links was just . . . wierd.
Blogshares
I exist!
Or something. Really, kinda odd. Valued at $1,000. What makes it go up and down?

First Essay

2005-09-02T08:45:00.000-05:00

HBP SPOILER WARNING

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I know exactly what I want to write my first essay for Writing as Critical Thinking (from here on refered to as WaCT) about! I'm going to challenge the assertion that Snape is evil! I can use the books, and I can use sites like Dumbledoreisnotdead.com and the Harry Potter Lexicon to support my points. It should be fun, it shouldn't be overly difficult--and it's a way to vent. Snape? Evil? NOOOO!

TAKE THAT, BINNS WANNA BE!

2005-09-01T19:19:00.000-05:00

I don't do math. Seriously, it's the only subject that's really hard for me. Not challenging--challenging I like. But straight up, damn right, HARD. Making no sense type hard. Plus the damn thing is with a Binns-like lecturer at 8:30 in the morning. English at 8:30, maybe. Math? NO WAY. Especially not precalc.

This is three credit hours I don't have to pay for. Plus I get to return an $80 book.

Go me.

Insaniquarium

2005-09-01T18:04:00.000-05:00

Is it bad that I curse out the aliens that come to eat/kill my electronic fish? Seriously, calling the aliens "fuckers" and such.

The damn game's addictive. I paid ten bucks to addict myself, once more, to the rearing of computer generated guppies.

What is the world coming to?

Word Verification: ON

2005-09-01T17:16:00.000-05:00

Comments are good and lovely, but only if they have something to do with what's been posted. Heck, I could even take someone going off on how much they hate their mother when I was talking about coffee. But these damn ads have got to stop. In the hopes that these are robots and that no real person has that much spare time on their hands, I've turned word varification on for posting comments. If the ads don't stop, I'm going to have to start screening comments, and that will really piss me off.

The Starbucks Experiment: Legally Addictive Stimulants

2005-09-01T16:47:00.000-05:00

OMFG! Seriously, this girl has a sense of humor. All you coffee addicts--not occasional drinkers like me, but those who have it every day--really need to read this.

The Starbucks Experiment: Legally Addictive Stimulants

Bitter Knowledge

2005-09-01T14:18:00.000-05:00

What is it about the wounded soul that draws me to them? What is it about the emotionally bruised that makes me want to take away their pain? Is it some instict that comes with being a woman? Is it, perhaps, that I, too, am a broken soul?

Yes, me. The cheerful, bubbly, hyper girl. The occasionally depressed, pensive. The abused. In I was childhood sexually abused.

It was not my fault.

It took a long time for me to be able to tell myself that, to be able to admit to others that I had been abused so. Still, even now, the thought is shaming. I have yet to work past it fully. One day, perhaps, I will.

Still, I am drawn to the dark, the close, the comforting. Still I want to heal souls in a way that none can. Still I want my soul to be so healed.

Perhaps that is why I read some of the blogs I do.

Bitter Knowledge

I don't care if it matches! ^_^

2005-09-01T13:26:00.000-05:00

I've decided that I don't really care if my outfits match so long as I like them. Take today's, for example. Strappy stellettos, knee-length and very business like gray-green plaid skirt, black Truman baby doll tee, rainbow armwarmers, hot pink headband, black leather collar with spikey red heart pendant. Matching? Not really. Fun? Deffinately. I like fun, mis-matched, punky-type outfits. And I've decided I really don't care if they don't match!

Exploring Religions rocks! We're talking about what religion is, currently. It's quite interesting. I hope we get off preparing questions before class, but if Professor Ashcraft assigns it again on Tuesday I'll just talk to him after class. Great way to get started, but it really kinda restricts discussion of our reading. It's a pretty easy class; all I have to do is go to a non-Mormon, non-Wiccan worship service and write a lovely essay on the religion and my experience there.

I'm really looking forward to Roman Lit in Translation, too. And not just because Professor Tetlak has a really nice voice, either. Shame, shame! I'm interested in the subject; the voice is just a nice bonus. The play I had to read--Double Bind, or Menaechmi--was humorous, in a crass sort of way. Seeing as the play is supposed to be crass humor, I see no problem with that.

I'm really happy with Pacifist, even though it's kinda lacking direction. The lack of direction is a good thing with a spoof. Or so I'm telling myself, at least. Chessa is going to teach Bra Wicca. As much as one can, anyway. I like to think Chessa thinks she can teach Bra everything she needs to know to be Wiccan. As with any religion, however, it's my belief that if nothing comes from within, no matter how much comes from the outside it won't matter.

Everyone's going home over labor day except me. Seriously, I haven't talked to anyone who's staying yet. I'm all alone . . . 'cause I'm broke and carless!

poke poke

2005-08-31T23:17:00.000-05:00

It seems kinda wierd to realize how different one Wiccan can be from another.

Pacifists.

Those who enjoy, if not violence, fighting.

Everywhere in between.

Me, I fall to the extreme of near-Pacifism. If it harm none refers to everything in my eyes, and not just the Craft.

Others disagree.

The happy medium must be found between Wiccans as well as with the non-Wiccans we deal with every day.

Morina!

2005-08-30T19:04:00.000-05:00

Isn't she so cute?

Procrastinating!

2005-08-30T18:04:00.000-05:00

I really should be doing my homework. That said, I'm going to put off my precalc until I can pin Mikkel to help me, and pretend I'm reading A Scandal in Bohemia and writing the paper on how I analyze literature.

It's not that I don't enjoy my subjects (excepting precalc). I'm really happy with what I got, though none so much as the two I have today. But sill--homework. There is nothing so depressing as homework.

I'm working on a DBZ spoof. Seriously. Well, it's more of a DBZ fanfic spoof. Complete with chick getting dragged into the DBZ deminsion and made Saiyan. It should be amusing, and not nearly so consuming as Seven Pointed Star has proven. I'm calling it Pacifist because I'm making my soon-to-be (at the begining of the story, at least) Saiyan a Wiccan. It's an idea I've seen used before, but in a Wiccan-so-she-has-powers-before-she-comes type way. Never by someone who had ever laid eyes on the Reede.

Just picture someone with Vegeta's temper and a religious obligation to "harm none."

Exploring Religions

2005-08-30T14:12:00.000-05:00

I'm really looking forward to this class. I've just had my first session, you know with the professor telling us about the class, and I'm really happy about it. We're going to discuss the "major" religions first--Hinduism, Buddism, Taoism, Confucionism, Judism, Cristianity, and Islam--but the last chapter is intitled "Alternate Paths" and discusses things like Druidism and Wicca. That should be really intereting, though it is possible that when we get they're I'll be in a pretty rotten state.

You see, I'm going to tell my parents that I'm Wiccan over Thanksgiving. I can't see this turning out very well. Mostly I'm just hoping that I don't get kicked out permanently or have them stop financially supporting me. I'm not expecting them to like it or in any way support it, but it's my life and my religion. I'm Wiccan. They're just going to have to get over their prejudices and get used to having a witch in the family. It's not like I'm evil or amoral. How similar is "if it harm none" to "love everyone"? Sure, Wicca does not require charity. But it does require acceptance in a way that Christianity does not. It requires a level of pacifism (or something close to it) that no Christian I've ever met has possessed.

I am Wiccan, but I am also a good person. I just hope my parents will be able to see that.

If it Harm None . . .

2005-08-30T10:41:00.000-05:00

I try to live by the Reede. It's principals are central to my beliefs, and even without the Reede I'm nearly pacifistic and while not a vegetarian I do believe in eating only prey animals. Sometimes people make it hard, though. When someone makes the ill-advised move of calling one hanging out with me and mine "slumming," thereby implying that one of my friends--the one he said it to, the wonderful Mab--is nothing but a cheap wench . . .

Well, it is her place to act, not mine. Mab has done what she feels is necessary and right, and has given the silly puppy who insulted her more leway that I would have. If it harm none, do what ye will . . . but in situations like this I could very easily forget that I am Wiccan.

Dark Friend Hunt!

2005-08-27T22:31:00.000-05:00

I love Dark Friend Hunt!

Okay, it's like Maffia. You know, murders in the night, accusations flying, people being wrongfully lynched. Except it's built on a Wheel of Time theme. It's totally rocking. I'm as addicted to DFHunt as I am to Insaniquarium, Puzzle Pirates, and Blogger.

Classes start Monday, though. Writing as Critical Thinking, Elementary Functions (read precalculus), and Applying Literary Theory are my Monday/Wednesday/Friday classes. Should be fun, no? Well, except for the whole precalc part. Grr. I hate math. Really. To structured. Especially to trying to put non existant structure to the world. Sure, the world has rhythm. But when's the last time they've looked outside? With every rising and setting of the sun the length of the day changes, and with every moon the night is longer or shorter. The seasons change, and never at the same time. The rhythm of life slows and quickens, and while it is the same beat, it changes.

Well, now that anyone who knows anything about any Earth religions can tell I follow one, I might as well get on that subject. Why am I so nervous about telling people I'm Wiccan half the time? Raised Mormon, good Christian foundation, and just don't believe in their God, or their Christ, or their Holy Spirit, or their Devil. Demons and Devils do exist, as do Angels and Gods, but they tend to sckew their perception of them. I should know; I've been a demon before. More than once. I wasn't evil. Not even the time I killed for a living was I truly evil.

Anyway, I wish I'd just get my feet under me. I'm Wiccan. Wiccan, not Christian of any sort. I am a witch. I am not evil. I am not purely self-serving, and I don't use magic for self-benifiet any more than your average Christian uses prayer. I still deal with my deity--deities, really, though I deal more with the Goddess than with her male counterpart. If I could find one I'd wear a pentacle, yes. It's no different from a Christian wearing a cross. The pentacle is a protective symbol. The pentacle is no more evil than the cross.

My belief system hangs on two basic principles. First, do no harm. I follow the Wiccan Reede. The short version:

Bide the Wiccan law ye must
In perfect love, in perfect trust.
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill
An ye harm none, do as ye will
And ever mind The Rule of Three:
What ye send out, comes back to thee.
Follow this with mind and heart,
And merry ye meet, and merry ye part.

Whatever dieties a witch bows to, any who truly follows the Reede must be as moral--or even more moral--than a Christian. An excerpt from the Wildflower CUUPS site:

The Pagan ethic: "If it harms none, do what thou wilt." This is a positive morality expressing the beliefe in individual responsibility for dicovering one's own true nature and developing fully, in harmony with the outer world and community.

There's nothing evil or amoral about that, is there? The site lists nine values. To those I would add one more: acceptance. As it says in the long version of the Reede, "Live and let live, fairly take an fairly give."

That's IT!

2005-08-27T17:52:00.000-05:00

Goliath's days are numbered, and that number is dependant on how long it takes me to save up for a laptop. I'm not even talking one of the $1500 laptops. I'm talking the stripped-down $5-600 version. Damn, I'll even put up with having Works instead of Word if I have to! The problem with Cisco is bad enough, but I'm sick of the extra lag on my computer, I'm sick of him decided randomly that it wants to shut down. I'm sick of wondering how much longer the parts have to live. I'm just sick of it!

Monday: sign up for flex-pay plan for college and get a job
Once I have a job: get credit card through TFCU
Once I have a card: get a laptop

Seriously, I'm going to make payments on the laptop if I can, but if I can't of it's a problem to meet them, then I'll have the credit card to fall back on. Goddess, I'm so sick of this! Goliath, I will replace you . . . and then I will turn you into a frog.

Grr.

2005-08-26T16:38:00.000-05:00

Nope. Didn't work. I have tried every bloody download I can find, and STILL Cisco insists I don't have them all! STILL Windows swears I do! It's so pathetically aweful!

The fact that I'm really dead today doesn't help anything. I was going to go over to McClain Hall and the Library and deal with things, but I just don't have the energy to do it. I really need to be getting more sleep, especially since I have classes at 7:30 AM three mornings a week starting on Monday.

Damn it, damn it, damn it!

Kill Cisco!

2005-08-26T13:40:00.000-05:00

I'm about ready to yank the entity known as Cisco Clean Access out of cyber space and strangle it. In fact, I'll even be struck with some sort of obsene joy at the murder of the damn software. It's stupider than Windows! Seriously, when Windows says I have all the updates, it MEANS I have all the damn updates! Grr.

I got my books today. The grand total, including the ones that are being shipped in, comes to $287.58! Seriously, this is kind of expensive. Get scholarships, kids! I would be working at Wal-Mart without them.

Attempt is being made to shut Cisco up. Will report on sucess or failure after restarting my computer.

Karaoke

2005-08-25T01:49:00.000-05:00

I got to do karaoke tonight! I hope I can find someplace to do karaoke more often--I really enjoy it.

The Quibbler!

2005-08-24T20:55:00.000-05:00

I don't know if we'll have the first "issue" out this Monday, but I have found at least one partner in crime for it! Scot Griffindor, she calls herself. One of my best friends from my junior high/high school years.

Vacation Photos!

2005-08-24T15:00:00.000-05:00

In San Antonio Max, Melissa, and I went to Sea World two days. The first day we did mostly rides (and didn't get many photos), but the other day we went was more of an experiance than a thrill.

We fed the dolphins first thing in the morning.

Then we saw coral reef fish and sharks while Max's stroller dried from having the dolphins splash it.

Next we fed the Sea Lions.

After that, we started on the shows. We went to the Cannery Row Capers, Shamu, and my personal favorite, Viva.

You see why I like Viva? The entire show is that impressive! It may only be about twenty or twenty-five minutes long, but it is well worth a $25 ticket on its own. We saw it last thing before going home both days that we went, and I really want to go back to see it again some time.

Blood and bloody ashes!

2005-08-22T16:41:00.000-05:00

Books. Seriously. $300 if I get them USED.

Dad's going to look online and see if he can get them cheaper.

Homesickness sucks.

2005-08-22T11:24:00.000-05:00

I seriously had trouble sleeping last night because I missed being at home so much. I hate this. I mean, it's great and all, but I wanna go home!

The Truman Pagan Fellowship does still exist! Now all I have to do is find out how to get involved with it. Seriously, I'd love to have access to something like that. Only thing is, I can't find a single thing about it except that it's still listed on the drop-menus to reserve rooms for. So even if it technically still exists, it might not really exist anymore. There's nothing about it on the Student Involvement site, so it might have died out. Ah, well.

Urg, I hate this. Really I do. I'm glad I've met Mab and there are lots of MSA people here, but I really want to go home. Seriously, Aria and Shakespeare were both in my minor, as was someone else I know came here. The official MSA Alumni Count is up to 18.

First Day of College

2005-08-21T23:07:00.000-05:00

So, I'm here. I exist and all. I'm even mostly moved into my dorm room. And guess what. I met a 'Kin/'Kin Friend already. Mab, I'll call her here. Very fae. Very nice, comfortable to be around. Plus we like a lot of the same things. Not one of my room mates, but three doors down. That's it!

So I still need to unpack my books and stow my winter bedding (I have lots of blankets in the winter), but other than that I'm in! Seriously, this is great. Now if only I can remember what her MSN name was so that I can talk to her while I'm feeding my internet addictions . . .

As for E:\, it is dead. Damn thing. Ah, well. I'll live. Really I will.

I need to buy an extension cord for my computer, and then Goliath is ready to roll! I'll get him online, get RM2K or RM2K3 (possibly both to see which I like better). Then I can make games! That should be fun.

Mab is involved in National Novel Writing Month. I think I'll do that. It sounds like fun. It sounds like I might actually get something done! Seriously, no pressure, no work. Pinkie doesn't drive me nearly hard enough. Arien was better at that, really. Though now she wouldn't do any good . . . maybe it's time for Pinkie to be replaced. Hear that, head Muses? I need a new muse! Again!

Heh. One word. Otherkin. Mab set me onto a new Otherkin site, Otherkin Alliance. Sounds like fun. Other Haven is half-dead anyway.

All Packed!

2005-08-20T21:19:00.000-05:00

Everything packed away except some fragiles I'm going to ask Lethe to watch until a box comes away she can tuck them into for me. I need to finish cleaning up my room, but everything I'm taking with me is tucked into the van except what I need for tonight and tomorrow morning (plus a few small things that escaped until the very end). So this is it. The moment we've all been waiting for. The moment that I say goodbye to my home of eleven and a half years (if anyone told me I'd live in one place that long, I'd have laughed in their face) and move north and east!

Wourlde of Ages (yes, he's serious)

2005-08-20T15:01:00.000-05:00

I was right. Stesha didn't appreciate it. But he's gotten himself a blogger account, too, and chosen a name. Ahearn Brice Kegan. So from now on Stesha is Ahearn, no matter that I'm not partictualrly fond of the name Ahearn. I'll just have to name a game character Stesha.

Anyway, my bitty brother's blog is Wourlde of Ages. Check it out. He's planing to download RM2K3 and make a game by the same name. Silly child that he is.

Then Tomorrow Comes . . .

2005-08-20T13:51:00.000-05:00

Well, tomorrow I move into my dorm room. I actually get to meet Anise and Ondri for the first time, and my claims about being a college student solidify into fact. I still don't know if one of them actually reserved a microfridge, and I have popcorn for tomorrow night! And, if they want to, The Phantom of the Opera. Talk about swoon-inducing movies! It could not have been better if Orlando Bloom was in it.

That's actually kind of odd. Until recently it seems like I (at least mostly) couldn't care less about actors. Harrison Ford and Patrick Stewart, sure, and a certain appreciation for Sean Connory. But how did Orlando Bloom and Catherine Zeta Jones earn their places in my attentions? Good looks. Almost unnatural good looks. Frankly, I think it's rather shallow of me. At least they both can act as well.

I'm starting to think that the comments are being spamed from one person with lots of blogs. Eight out of the nine sound a lot like the same person. The ninth sounds more articulate than the others. Even if they are, well, I don't really think I care. They (or he, or she) hasn't linked to a single blog that caught my interest so they're just wasting their time and making me look better if they have some "up my blog traffic" agenda.

How very Slytherin of me. If I wasn't Slytherin I might feel ashamed of myself.

Hmm. Might be a good idea.

2005-08-19T22:31:00.000-05:00

I was looking at Melissa's blog, Too Many Hooks, and I saw for the first time that she's given her husband and son psuedonoms. So I lifted those, and my brother-in-law and nephew are now respectively Greg and Max. Seeing as I use my penname instead of my real name here, I also gave each of my sibilings (excepting Melissa) and my roommates, aliases. I chose names with shared meanings to their real names (or, in Lethe's case, one loosely connected to my nickname for her). I am now rooming with Anise and Ondri. My sibilings? The names are so cool I may have to make a sprite sheet.

Iago, the supplanter.

Lethe, the river of forgetfulness.

Melissa, the beehive.

Chailyn, the waterfall.

Stesha, the crowned one.

Li, the pretty child.

My little brother might object to being called Stesha, but I don't care. It's Slavic, and I like it despite the large red-haired girl who shares it. Besides, it claims to be a masculine name, so nyah. All together, even with Melissa, we sound like a group of minor deities. Like the muses or the fates, you know? And yes, I know the conotations of the name "Iago." It'll do.

If E:\ died, I am going to be most upset.

2005-08-19T19:48:00.000-05:00

Bringing people up to speed here. Goliath has three hard drives. C:\, which is set apart for system files. D:\, which is set apart for documents. And E:\, which is set apart for programs. Today I was working with RM2K, and I got my little game (Brindel's Tale: the Quest for the Throne, which is based on my lost but not lamented story Brindel's Tale) mostly if not all the way done. And Goliath says he can't read E:\ any more. And guess where I'd saved not only RM2K, but also the game? Yep. E:\. Fortunately Dad should be home any minute. Maybe it just came unplugged and I can't figure out how to plug it back in. It's very likely, and a much better alternative than having lost one of my harddrives.

With the video card crashing yesterday and the E:\ drive crashing today, I'm a little nervous. But AVG said there wasn't a virus yesterday. I don't know what it will say today, but this thing has to work, and it has to work reliably!

Problems Creating Worlds

2005-08-18T23:08:00.000-05:00

So I spend about an hour and a half downloading RPG Maker XP, right? Get PKZip from the other computer and everything. THEN it tells me that I have to have a screen resolution of 1020 something by whatever. Problem with this is that Goliath can't get a screen resolution higher than 800x600. So Dad and I hunt up a video chip. It works. For about five minutes. The chip goes crazy and so I'm back to square one except now I'm WITHOUT the option of a free video card. So I uninstall RMXP but keep the zipped file. Just in case I can ever use it, you know? I'm 40% through downloading RM2K now, and 9% through the "THIS IS REQUIRED" type add on. I'll get the others later, preferably at college where I'll have a high-speed connection. Hopefully my insainely-low-resolution desktop will support RM2K. If it doesn't, I may just scream.

On the plus side, dad bought me a USB card with four ports, so I can use my memory stick with this computer.

On the down side, there is no hope for the sound card we retrieved, either.

But I saved my dead toe socks! Sort of, anyway. I cut off the toes and the first few stripes, and I've made two armwarmers and am almost halfway through the third. Two rainbow, one navy and yellow. They'll be fun.

Also today I made a daring picture of my Kougra. I gave her ocelot spots! Or are they stripes? I love ocelots! I still have to do the background, but once I'm done I think I'm going to edit her site to use it. Seriously, I like her better with the ocelot stripe/spots (ocelot spots sounds better, but isn't entirely accurate) than with the silly tiger stripes.

And I have traffic! Up from 74 hits this morning to 105 before I started on this! And FOUR comments when I'd had none! Thank you people!

Ooo, and I'm writing the epilogue for Seven Pointed Star. No, I'm not done. I just wanted to make sure I got the ending down before I did something that totally changed it. I know where I want this one to end and do NOT want it to run away from me. So the epilogue is half finished, as is chapter twelve. Once I finish chapter twelve I'm guessing I'm half-way to a third of the way done. It's already April, but I don't plan on having it finish at the end of their sixth year anyway.

Hmm. RM2K is 67% finished. But I think I'm going to check out some of the blogs I marked to get back to. Or maybe Wizard Blog. That's amusing. If you go there, and you've read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, check out "Dumbledore is not Dead!" I enjoied it, even though chances are he's wrong.

Two days left!

2005-08-18T15:50:00.000-05:00

I'm going up on Sunday morning, early, rather than going up to college the night before. I'm mostly packed, and I have a computer! I'm actually typing on it right now--name him Goliath, 'cause he's just huge. A Proliant 800, about five years old. 320 Mg of RAM, 45 Gig of ROM. Pentium III processor, which amuses me for some reason. I'm downloading RPG Maker XP, I bought Insainiquarium, and I have some old Mickey Mouse jigsaw puzzle game that I might put on here. I'm really excited about going--it's going to be great!

Back to Missouri time.

2005-08-13T10:58:00.000-05:00

I'm flying for the second time today. This time I'm going the other way, back to Missouri. Then I'll be home for a week, go up to Kirksville on the twentieth, and I move into my dorm on the twenty-first. I'm really excited about that, and especially about meeting Anise and Ondri.

I entered When Lightning Struck in my guild fanfiction contest for two reasons: it's done, and Headmistress Selena says that the policy for number of entries is "the more the merrier." I am going to make sure I don't have two many, because I could easily out number the whole dang guild. I'm prolific at times. If you want to read my second ever finished fanfic (excluding oneshots), it's here. All I ask is that you review. "The more the merrier" has always been true for reviews! Hmm. Maybe I should give her the plague of Harry Potter and the Secret of the Twins, which is my first ever completed non-oneshot work of fanfiction. I'm really bad at this whole finishing thing.

I'm thinking about taking what I remember of Brindel's Tale and re-writing it. It had a decent base idea, and I could actually make it good now. It wouldn't be that hard, seeing as I know what happens, and I have the skills now that I lacked at fourteen. I also have more disipline, and might actually finish it again. I also need to go back through Hunters of the Night, but I don't think it requires as much work as I thought it would origionally. Expansion, careful reworking, and it should be done. Or done enough to search out an agent or an editor or something.

I really hope that Anise will be as much help as I think, and that we'll get along as well as we think we will. I love writing, but I need support, a sounding board, and an editor. If it all comes in one package, that's even better. Lethe somtimes did that at home, and Melissa on occasion over the phone or internet, but it will be good to have a friend to do it. Sisters are all well and good, but they're too much like me no matter are differences.

I'm supposed to be at the airport in just under an hour. It's much closer than the Kansas City air port is from home. I'm kind of nervous, though. In my meger experience, flying gives me wierd dreams the night before. I already have both dreams that later come true and dreams that are as real as my memories--what are those called, lucid dreams?--and I really don't appreciate travel dreams. Pirates of the Carribean the first time, Neopets this time, both infecting my sleep and making me restless. Eh. Well, next time I write, I'll be in Missouri again.

Ten days!

2005-08-11T23:03:00.000-05:00

Wow, been a bit since I posted, neh? I went to Sea World today. Fed dolphins. Awesome experience, even though it involves holding little dead fish.

I've decided to enter Seven Pointed Star in a fanfic contest on my Neopets guild, ~♥~ The Sorting Hat's New Song ~♥~. I think it's likely to win. Just a hunch. Check out some of my writing, check out the other entries, and somehow I think you'll agree. I'm just good. Or at least better than they are.

There's something wrong with these guys.

2005-08-06T23:25:00.000-05:00

Two things. Whose Line is it Anyway? and Foriegn Film Dub. 'Nuff said.

Fifteen days until college!

Ondri, Anise and I are all pretty excited about getting to school. And I have new books! I bought Demon in My View, Ender's Game, Sabriel, and Abhorsen. It rocks! I love books.

Eh.

2005-08-06T00:53:00.000-05:00

Well, tomorrow Melissa and I are going shopping, and then we'll go to Sea World a couple of days next week. It's supposed to storm tomorrow and it wasn't really the best timing anyway.

I've started on another fic, temporarily called "Valterra the Star Fleet Vampire Slayer." I'll get something better as I write, but it works for now. I'm only working on this one now because I can't get to Seven Pointed Star for another week.

I'm really kinda tierd tonight. Missed X-Men watching Man of the House. Lovely, neh? It was kind of funny. I think it's about bedtime for me, though.

Sixteen days until college.

Needle Watch:

The Companion is done! It doesn't look quite right, but I'm going to get some more crocheting practice and do another one, maybe.

As for my quilt, I was really only almost a third of the way done with it. Now, however, I'm almost halfway done quilting the thing.

Back to my odd DS9/BTVS crossover, is a quarter Klingon Slayer a Mary-Sue? Eh, probably depends on how well I write her.

What I am Not

2005-08-05T00:44:00.000-05:00

This is an idea I got from Deep Thoughts for the Day, and I thought I'd try it out. It should be . . . interesting. To define what something is, you must first define what it is not. That is the point of life, is it not? To define what one is, to become all that one can be. So here we go.

I am not
dark skinned
tanned
fair haired
red haired
black haired
blue eyed
green eyed
hazel eyed
gray eyed
powerful
important
strong
kind
mean
rude
polite
in bad posture
in perfect posture
a genius
stupid
perfect
flawless
skinny
fat
long haired
short haired
in between
accepted
cast out
frightening
comfortable to be around
comfortable around others
safe
whole
broken
healed
well
good
bad
normal
in sync

That looked like it was going to be harder, but it was all too easy. I am a walking contridiction. I am myself; no one else. It's hard, but doesn't everyone go through it?

I'm making a Companion!

2005-08-04T23:37:00.000-05:00

I didn't get to go swimming today--apparently Thursday is pool cleaning, landscaping type day around here. So I did some quilting, and I'm making a Companion. I'm using a pattern that Melissa made. It's published on Crochet Me, the cover pattern. Great, isn't it? The horse pattern. "Companion" as in the ones from Mercedes Lackey's Velgarth/Valdemar novels. I've got the body done.

I've got Without a Trace on right now, but I'm not really watching that closely. Something about a scum bag realiter who ran a sex-slave type prostitution place on the side. And he's missing. People care why? Unless, of course, he made an escape, in which case, find him! If not, and he get killed or something, well, don't try to hard to find the killer. *sigh* Ah, not something that I'm really sure I agree with even as I say it. I mean, murder is murder, but the poor girls . . . and that type of crap really happens.

Story Watch:

I've just about decided to drop the last bit I was going for with Seven Pointed Star, and go past that to some interaction between Harry and Seif. It's necissary for the plot that those two get more interaction than they have been! Seriously, Seif needs to get talking to the real Harry.

And my master plot for defeating Voldemort! Drumroll, please!

Good, eh? Magical linkage, in a sidhe symbol. Also elven, fae, etc. Four changling pairs. Well, three are pairs; Sers didn't have or need a double, as he's a half blood.

Back to Without a Trace, turns out the scumbag was an undercover cop trying to pull down the real scumbags. Yeah, find him. Save him.

It's just Melissa, Max and I who are going to Sea World on Saturday. Greg's on the honor guard--Air Force, have I mentioned?--and it's funeral week this week. Greg has a funeral in Austin this Saturday, so me and sis and the baby. Tomorrow plan is to go shopping. Missa needs a new swim suit, and I want flip-flops and sunglasses. Plus I might pick up something else, who knows? I like shopping. Great fun and all.

I have a crossover idea that came from a couple of fics I read. Buffy isn't a Slayer, but rather Wolverine's daughter. It could be . . . interesting. 'Course, there's always the possibility I'll never get around to it. I do that sometimes. Other times I get started, then drop the thing for one reason or another. A2, Daddy Dearest, Harry Potter and the Doomspell Tournoment . . . all dropped. A2 at least I want to get back to, and T'Anthan Recorbi. When I have more time, though. More time and someone to keep me going, neh?

Star Trek!

2005-08-04T11:34:00.000-05:00

Kira and Berial are getting together, and it's very amusing. I've been watching two episodes of DS9 and usually three of Next Generation, though not always the second. I mean, I love Picard and Riker and Data and Worf as much as the next person, but I find I like the setting of DS9 better. Being on the station would be fun. And, if I could pick any Star Trek race, I think I'd want to be either Bajoran or a Klingon/Vulcan halfblood. The second would be awesome, don't you think? I mean the societies are so different! 'Course, you'd have to raise her Vulcan, because a Klingon with Vulcan emotions could be . . . violently dangerous.

I'm going swiming right after DS9 today, in about fifteen minutes. First time down here. Odd, isn't it? It's practically just outside the front door, but I haven't gone yet in the last week and a half. It should be fun. Then afterwards I'm going to get my quilt out and work on it. If I remember correctly, I'm about halfway done with it. Quilting is very . . . relaxing. You should try it some time. The same with embroidery and hand sewing.

Seventeen days until college.

Begin Countdown

2005-08-03T21:06:00.000-05:00

Eighteen days until college!

I'm really enjoying being down here. San Antonio, Texas! It's where I was born; this is the first time I've been back since I was almost two. Lovely weather, even with the extra rain and humidity from the edge of Emily. Nice and warm, but not too humid. Wonderful. I wonder why Melissa and Greg dislike it so much . . . nothing wrong with ferinheit 105 . . . Seriously, though. I love the weather. I even love the storms. I love it here. It's great.

Melissa and I are going to go to Sea World this Saturday. Dolphins! And turtles, maybe. That would rock. And Sea Lions, somewhere.

Current Writing Project: Seven Pointed Star

The story is pre Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince fanfiction. Harry Potter is a changeling, Price Seif of the Unseleighe Court. I think I'm about halfway done, but there's no telling. I have most of the romantic entanglements at least begun, and memories are returning to Seif but not completely returned. I have eleven chapters completed, I think--it's on my computer at home.

I intend to find a Beta (maybe Anise) after I finish, go over the story, and publish it on Fanfiction.net with chapters coming out once a week. During those weeks if I can, I'll do another project. I'd like to keep writing projects going so something of mine comes up on-line every Thursday. I picked Thursday because it's my favorite day of the week; no other reason.

My Reading: The Faded Sun Trilogy by C. J. Cherryh

I've just finished the first book. I'm borrowing my sister's copy, one of those series-bound-as-one things. I'm done with Kesrith, though. It's very good, though the Mri remind me of the Aiel in Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series. Frankly, I think both groups would be offended at that statement, but they really are similar cultures, even if they do have vast differences in the particulars.